There was a time when everyone loved Jerry Maguire. People were going around saying ‘you complete me’ or shouting ‘show me the money!’ like it was the greatest movie ever made. Despite the fact Cuba Gooding Jnr won an Oscar for his role (and he did a bloody good job) I didn’t find the movie to be anything special.

Where some see a beautiful love story or a wonderful tale of redemption, I see a garden variety jerk in a suit. But after rewatching it recently, I think I know why I’m not wholly sold on the movie, and ironically, I can also see a higher form of value in watching it. Why do I have new-found interest in this otherwise mediocre piece of entertainment? Because it can teach us a lot about positive disintegration.

Jerry Maguire is the poster boy for disintegration, particularly what the dynamisms look like at levels 2 and 3. He doubts his whole belief system, his life is turned upside down, and everything he once valued is thrown into question. He struggles with who he really is, he reevaluates his personal relationships, life’s rug is pulled out from under him, and he even describes the initial stages of his journey as simultaneously being a ‘breakdown’ and a ‘breakthrough’.

Levels 2 (unilevel disintegration) and 3 (spontaneous multilevel disintegration) are differentiated by whether a person is making distinctions between better and worse values. These levels also have something in common – unlike organised multilevel disintegration (level 4) there is no conscious control over the disintegration or over personal growth. A person’s third factor (their internal drive towards authenticity) has not yet kicked in, and they are not trying to consciously develop themselves, or work their way through their issues. In other words, the person is along for the ride, but they are not yet in the driver’s seat.

By looking at Jerry’s journey through the lens of level 2 and 3 dynamisms, we can get better acquainted with what a person going through disintegration looks like to the outside world. We can also consider if Jerry ever made it to any of the level 4 dynamisms. Because if Jerry didn’t exhibit level 4 dynamisms, then he never took conscious control of his own growth, and arguable remained a jerk (to a degree).

But, more importantly, we can start to ask ourselves the ultimate question – if someone going through disintegration knows about Dabrowski’s theory, can they make better progression and find their way to level 4?

What are the Dynamisms?

What exactly are we looking for in a person on levels 2 and 3? At level 2, we are mostly looking for behaviours where a person does not yet see a clear difference between better or worse values. That’s exactly what makes it unilevel – there is no up or down, only things that appear the same. At level 3, things start to be multilevel (better or worse) and this is where judgement-based dynamisms start to play a part.

LEVEL 2

• Ambitendencies – Different drives which are conflicting with each other (e.g. you might wants to save money, but you also want to spend it). These are drives at the same level (there is no higher or lower – no ‘better choice’) so they are unilevel. Sometimes this can include self-sabotaging behaviours, like addictions (e.g. wanting to get sober, but wanting to get drunk).
• Ambivalences – Different attitudes or feeling which conflict with each other, like love and hate. Often these happen at the same time (e.g. you hate and love your parents). There is no sense of ‘higher or lower’, like with ambitendencies, making it unilevel.

LEVEL 3

• Astonishment – The feeling that your mental qualities or actions are pleasantly unexpected. Basically, you surprise yourself in a good way.
• Disquietude – Feeling of uneasiness about yourself. Not being certain about how you’re behaving.
• Dissatisfaction – Disapproval of your thoughts, feelings or behaviours. Being disappointed in yourself.
• Guilt – feeling strongly dissatisfied with yourself, to the point where you feel you should make amends. You feel responsible, and experience regret.
• Heirachisation – Developing better vs. worse values. This is the hallmark dynamism of ‘multilevel’, as you start to see ‘higher and lower’. It doesn’t mean you are yet acting on your values, but you are starting to sort them out.
• Inferiority (towards oneself) – Feeling like you could have, or should have, done better. It is the shock of realising you have acted out of alignment with your new hierarchy of values.
• Positive maladjustment – rejecting the standards and attitudes around you in favour of your own values (i.e. not fitting in, when everyone around you is doing the wrong thing)
• Shame – self-conscious distress and embarrassment.

Perhaps you recognise some of these behaviours and feelings in yourself or someone you know already? As we go through the movie breakdown below, I’ll put in brackets the dynamisms I think Jerry is showing during those parts of the movie.

What happens in the movie?

Jerry Maguire is an ambitious, smug sports agent working for a sports management company. Early on in the movie, he starts to feel a certain amount of unease with what is he doing (ambivalence, disquietude), the climate of the industry, and what the company has become (positive maladjustment). After criticism from an injured player’s son triggers a break down (dissatisfaction, guilt, shame) and an epiphany (inferiority), he writes a mission statement in the middle of the night, about the ruthless nature of the industry, and his desire to have better, more caring personal relationships with fewer clients (hierarchisation).

In his fit of discovery and inspiration, he lets his authentic self start to emerge (astonishment), and he prints and distributes his mission statement to everyone in his workplace. It’s an action he immediately regrets (ambivalence), and for a while he reverts to his old self. As he flies back from an out of town trip he sits in first class, drinking champagne, and bragging about his relationship and his life (ambitendencies). When he arrives at the airport, coworker Dorothy Boyd has a conversation with him. She says she supports his mission statement and tells him it was inspiring. But Jerry feels a great amount of unease about having spoken out (disquietude), and down plays what he did (ambitendencies).

His life starts to fall apart, as he is confronted by the consequences of both his recent actions and his former attitudes towards other people. He is subjected at his Batchelor party to a video of his ex-girlfriends talking about his lack of intimacy and committment (disquietude). His workplace sends his protege Bob Sugar to fire him. In a mad rush to retain the clients for themselves, each man takes to the phone, wheeling and dealing at top speed (ambitendencies). The result is that Jerry only manages to retain one client –  Rod Tidwell, an NFL player who is already unhappy with his playing contract. Leaving the office, Jerry announces that he will start his own agency and asks if anyone will join him, to which only one person – Dorothy – agrees in a rather embarrassing scene (shame).

Jerry breaks up with his disgruntled fiancée Avery, after realising she isn’t a nice person (astonishment, hierarchisation). He tries to retain the only superstar in his stable, Frank Cushman, but fails when he is betrayed and deceived by Cushman and his father, as they join Sugar in secret behind Jerry’s back. His new company is struggling. His life is falling apart. The climate of selfishness, ruthlessness and dishonesty he once thrived in is now revisiting those harms into his own life (dissatisfaction, guilt).

He then turns to Dorothy, in a moment of drunken self-pity (ambitendecies), believing that opening himself and ‘growing a conscience’ has led to his misery (ambivalence). He starts talking to her young son, Ray, voicing things about his life (disquietude, dissatisfaction, guilt). After finding himself liking both Ray and Dorothy, he starts a relationship with her. Jerry now has to adapt in a house that thrives on honest emotions (disquietude). Dorothy and her sister host a divorced women’s support group in their living room, and not only is Jerry exposed to the feelings of these women, but he now has the affection of a small boy focused towards him (astonishment). Jerry’s uneasiness in these situations shows that he is not used to be in vulnerable environments.

As Jerry’s business fails, and he runs out of funds, Dorothy contemplates moving to San Diego for a secure job offer there. At the last minute, desperate to have her stay, Jerry asks her to marry him (ambitendencies). On the wedding day, Rod notices that Jerry doesn’t seem entirely happy – a sign that Jerry knows he is getting into this for the wrong reasons (inferiority, guilt).

Jerry concentrates all his efforts on Rod, now his only client. The two aim criticisms at each other as tensions mount, both arguing along similar lines – that neither is caring enough. Jerry tells Rod that he has a poor attitude to his team and fans, which is costing him a chance at good contract. Rod tells Jerry he doesn’t care enough about the people in his life, and it’s affecting his ability to look after Rod and maintain his marriage (ambivalence). Both men, with their eyes focussed on their own outcomes and not the people around them, fail to achieve what they want (ambitendencies). Rod can’t get his contract secured, and Jerry’s marriage falls apart. He separates from Dorothy, speculating that maybe he just isn’t built for committment (guilt, shame, inferiority).

During a game which is critical for the NFL playoffs, Rod plays well, but takes a heavy hit and appears to receive a serious injury. Rod’s wife, seeing this on the TV from home, calls Jerry in a panic. Although Rod recovers, it causes Jerry and Rod’s wife significant distress. Afterwards, Jerry and Rod embrace in front of other athletes and sports agents and show how their relationship has progressed from a strictly business one to a close personal one (astonishment), and the fans finally get to see Rod’s caring side.

Jerry finally realises the truth in his original mission statement – the importance of relationships (astonishment, heirachization). He flies back home to Dorothy, telling her that he loves her and wants her in his life, which she reciprocates. 

What does this movie tell us about positive disintegration?

Movement

Jerry does a lot of backsliding and circling between levels 2 and 3. Even after having an initial moments of heirachization and astonishment early on with the writing of his mission statement, his progression is not all forward. An example of this is when he is sitting in first class on a flight just after writing his mission statement – he is chatting up a female passenger next to him, spouting some very socialised and unilevel rhetoric. Anyone going through disintegration, particularly when they don’t know about Dabrowski’s framework, or how to help themselves out of it, can lose progress as fast as they make it.

Duration

The journey towards any kind of authentic action and self-direction can be a long struggle that can continue over many years, and it is no different for Jerry. It takes many hard lessons for him to finally start getting the message. Only towards the end of the movie does he even begin to understand the importance of the relationships in his life. Even the ‘you complete me’ speech at the very end was only the first step towards changing his behaviour. It was more of a reflex action to a moment of hierarchisation, much as writing the mission statement was a spur of the moment action. Disintegration is not a 24 hour flu – it does not clear up overnight.

Unconsciousness

Jerry’s journey highlights that during unilevel and spontaneous disintegration there is no conscious thought to the process, because he does not align his actions to his new values. Despite his mission statement being about the importance of relationships, he continues to act in a way that does not honour them (e.g. when he marries Dorothy for the wrong reasons and then neglects her). The disintegration is still happening to him, and is not really directed by him. This is why is is important to get Dabrowski’s framework out there, so it can help people understand what is happening to them, and they can gain control.

Multi-dimensions

Jerry is an example of how a person can be across several levels at once and show dynamisms from more than one level at a time. It’s not as easy as saying “I’m level 3!” Or “I’m level 4!”. Even when you start taking control over your development, you will still experience dynamisms from lower levels. You will still feel guilt and shame, and dissatisfaction in yourself. You may engage in self-sabotaging behaviours. Not all the corners of your brain get cleaned out at once – there’s still some gunk that’ll stick around in the crevices and corners. 

Socialisation

Socialisation, especially in a toxic environment, can really seep in and stick to us. Jerry understood he had become one of the sharks, and through the movie, the contrasting behaviour in people like his fiancé Avery, Bob Sugar, and Cushman really draw out how bad his world had become. It’s easy for us to get swept away in other people’s garbage. Tempting to fall in line to earn a wage or maintain a relationship. Sometimes the damage is done quietly, and it happens from many directions over many years.

Cyclic

One disintegration won’t cut it to shake off all a person’s socialisation. Humans are complex, with many faults and underlying issues, and after years in the wrong environment, we build up lots of bad habits and beliefs. It can often take many cycles to make real progress away from this. It also highlights how people can get stuck in the loop without clear self-direction and self-education. But with awareness and direction, each time you go through a process, it can get easier and be more productive.

The Toll

The initial writing of the mission statement was very much a dark night of the soul. Add in periods of self-pity, and these can come at a high mental and emotional (and even physical) cost. Even the events which happened to him, like being fired or leaving his partner (twice), are stressful and took their toll on him. Disintegration, when it leads to personal growth, is called positive – but that only refers to the direction you’re moving in, not the pleasantness of the experience. Disintegration is messy, make no mistake.

Trigger events

Many of the events which triggered his disintegrations came from external sources. The kid who told him off in the hospital, being fired, losing his clients, and being betrayed by Cush, all were the actions of other people. While Jerry’s behaviour certainly played a large part in these events occurring, and they led to various forms of disintegration, he wasn’t in control of them. There will always be other players in your game of life whom you can’t control.

What will happen to Jerry Maguire?

While many would like to see the end of this movie as a moment of redemption, and the closure of his journey, it isn’t the end from a TPD perspective. Far from it. Through the movie, he is simply following instincts or reacting to circumstances placed upon him. His journey is not straight forward, and often what little progress he has made, he undoes. Despite the fact that his mentor appears on several occasions to reinforce the importance of love, relationships and empathy, Jerry doesn’t really embrace these until the very end. He has an initial insight into what this might mean at the very start of the movie when he writes his mission statement, but he doesn’t employ these things through the timeline we are shown.

So, does Jerry ever leave the space of spontaneous disintegration? I don’t see the dynamisms of level 4 – autopsychotherapy, self education, subject-object thinking or the third factor. Only towards the very end of the movie do we see even a glimmer of hope that he might start consciously examining himself, when he admits he’s been a total ass.

Even then, he is still thinking in terms of what importance his relationships have to him, and is not truly putting himself in the shoes of others. “You complete me” is still a concept relatively centred on himself and his needs.

I think this is due to two factors. Firstly, Jerry doesn’t really understand what is happening to him. He doesn’t know about TPD, and therefore can’t be given a choice to really take control of his own development. 

Secondly, the extent of his conditioning means it his socialisation is hard to shake off. After all, he had spent a lot of time swimming in the shark tank. As the lady in the divorced women’s discussion group says in the final scene (highlighting the difficulty of Jerry’s struggle through the movie) “neural pathways are set, and it’s hard for people to change”.

What can we learn?

The first thing is that disintegration ain’t easy. If you or someone you know is going through a crisis where they are re-evaluating who they are, be patient and kind. Know that it might take a long time and a lot of work to see the other side of it. The second is that working on yourself is an ongoing exercise, and not a one-off renovation. It’s OK that this keeps happening, but know that any work you put into yourself will ultimately be rewarding.

But the third and final thing, is inspired by Jerry’s mentor in the movie, who gives us three bits of advice: 

1. Everything is about personal relationships. 
2. Love everybody.
3. If your heart is empty, your head won’t work. 

Don’t be like Jerry – Don’t wait until the end of the movie to realise that what you really need by your side is the people you love. Don’t wait until the final scene to tell someone what they mean to you. When you write out the mission statement of your life, fill it with love for others and for yourself. Life is short, but beautiful, and it is love that gives life its beauty.