Photo by Ryan Snaadt on Unsplash
I used to see my emotional wobbly moments as a failure in life. You probably know the type of negative thinking I’m talking about – “Dammit, woman! Get your shit together! Stop being a drama queen!”
Not helpful. In fact, when I already had a well ingrained habit of beating myself up, it was downright destructive.
But I’ve got overexcitability, and extreme emotions are part and parcel of that. Once I had come to accept the fact that my emotions were going to happen whether I liked it or not, I started to accept the emotions themselves. Once that happened, I felt better about talking to other people about their wobbly moments.
Constructive meltdowns
Those conversations helped me understand there were constructive things I could do with my meltdowns. I’ve slowly built an arsenal – helpful things to remember and do when I lose my shit.
Because I will lose my shit.
While my heart still beats, and I care about things, I’ll still feel things. While life throws me the odd curve ball, I’ll still feel things. While I love other people, and have relationships, I’ll still feel things.
And while I still feel, there will always be times I will feel like shit. Dabrowski knew it – it’s why he came up with the theory of positive disintegration!
My Meltdown Arsenal
So, without further ado, here is my list of go-to ideas and strategies that help me in those moments of “FML”.
Cry
When I’m overflowing with negative emotions – I cry! If I can, I find a quiet, private space, and cry the bastards out. Crying is good for you. I set a timer or alarm if I must (if there’s things to be getting on with) but I allow myself even five minutes to cry.
If I’ve got enough time, I’ll keep going until I calm down and tire out. Then, I’ll sit in the present, quietly. If I can, I’ll get some sleep. Half the time I get over-wound emotionally, because I’m over-wound physically, so crying myself to sleep is a good strategy to recharge in many ways.
Greet difficult emotions
Anxious? Sad? Depressed? Grieving? Sit in feelings, and don’t bottle them up or hide them. Greet them. Feel them. Own them. Get acquainted with them. Understanding and accepting your feelings, helps you get used to them. Think about it – if you don’t get used to being sad, how can you ever learn to manage that state? If I continually push feelings aside and never try to deal with them, I never will deal with them. The more I melt down, the more at ease I become with melting down, being uncomfortable, and psychoneurosis.
Face inner demons
This is a good chance to find and face inner demons. Why not? I’m already in a shit mood anyway, and if there’s an underlying issue, I’m better off aiming for a permanent fix than a band-aid.
I start on root cause analysis by using the five whys. Not only will it help avoid futile and damaging self-blame statements, but it helps dig down to the root cause.
How is it done? Start with one “Why?” For example “Why am I upset?”. Each time you answer, question that answer with another “Why?”. Eventually, you hit pay dirt and find the real issues causing the conflict within.
Put it in perspective
If I’m really wound up, I step away for a bit and use the catastrophe scale to put things back into perspective.
ME: “On a scale of 1 to 10 – 1 being a papercut, and 10 being an extinction level event that will kill everything and everyone you love – how bad is this situation really?”
ALSO ME: “…ummm”
ME: “Not that bad, is it? Can you deal with it now?”
Most of my woes won’t register over a 3. It’s a cheap trick, but it works.
Be a mental adventurer
If I’m stressed out, I’ve normally hit a challenge. Knowing I’m outside my comfort zone, reminds me that life is interesting. Challenging. Confronting. It’s not boring. Every time it happens, it gives me a chance to figure out something new about myself. Learn a new lesson. Extend myself.
Remember good physical health
Bottling up feelings causes physical stresses of holding it in. I’m serious – bottling shit up, can lead to adverse health effects, including bottling actual shit up. No one wants to become constipated on top of a bad day! I don’t particularly want to revert to any horrible habits either, and letting it out is much better than turning to substances.
One last thing…
If you’re feeling PSYCHONEUROTIC it could be a step towards, and through, A DISINTEGRATION! And that means a chance for personality development. HURRAH!