CONTENT WARNING: This post talks about harm to animals in the context of road accidents. Please look after yourself.

The other day I was nearly killed by ducks, and it taught me a harsh but worthwhile lesson about how difficult it is to apply values in our daily lives. This is story isn’t a pleasant one. However, if you can get through this, I hope the comparison it draws to values, will be worth the tough journey.

The Deathly Duck Scenario

It was raining, and I was doing 100km/ph on the freeway. Ahead, brake lights. A black car had hit the brakes. The white car behind them also braked. It was far enough ahead that I, in my little blue car coming down the hill, also braked gently. Thankfully no one was behind me, and so I attempted to change lanes to avoid it all. It was then that I saw the source of the braking – a mother duck and her ducklings crossing the highway.

I was resigned to the fact that me changing lanes would result in me hitting the ducks. But just then, the white car pulled in front of me to avoid the black car. The white car had not seen me. I changed lanes again, as my husband in the co-pilot chair hit my emergency lights…

I narrowly missed the cars, missed the ducks, and gave the cars behind me (now just visible over the crest) fair warning that chaos was afoot.

Reflections From The Near Miss

Passing the slow moving black and white cars, I pieced together what had happened. 

Clearly the black car had seen the ducklings, and hit the brakes too hard. The little old lady in the white car did her best to avoid collision with the black car, but nearly took me out in the process, as she was too focussed on what was in front of her and her imminent crisis.

Now, I don’t know if any ducks were actually harmed in the making of this incident, but plenty of people nearly were. I could have been angry about that. I could have been shitty with the black car who braked hard, and the little old lady who nearly wiped me out changing lanes without looking.

But I wasn’t angry, because I understood…

The Kiwi Duck Incident

Flashback a couple of years ago…

Me and hubby were driving on the freeway in New Zealand. It was peak hour. Bad weather. He was behind the wheel, when a mother duck and her ducklings appeared on the highway. There was no where to go, and it was unsafe to brake, and the inevitable happened. 

We were both upset. There was some stressed out shouting for a while, and a lot of tears. But we had to accept that it was the only safe course of action to take. Later that night we had a quiet drink in honour of the ducks, and shed a few more tears. I messaged a friend of mine (he’s a truck driver) and asked him how he handled causing harm to animals on the road. 

My friend said there has been nights he’d hit multiple kangaroos, and it was never easy. But you just have to remind yourself that it’s sometimes the safest option, and not to get yourself or your fellow road users killed. Yes, it’s hard to not slam on the brakes or swerve. You have to fight against every instinct until you become practiced at it. And despite that practice, it’s always unpleasant and sad. But you must remember that there is a bigger priority at play.

Values against instincts – the black car

So, fast forward back to present day…

As I passed the black car who started it all, I understood. Every instinct was telling them to hit the brakes. Hitting ducklings is sad and unpleasant. They weren’t thinking – they were reacting. Not many people are practiced at having to make a hard choice in the moment. Even though road safety campaigns tell us repeatedly to brake or manoeuvre “only if it is safe to do so”, it doesn’t come up that often for most people. A lot of times it isn’t safe to avoid hitting an animal, and actually doing it really sucks.

And in our life, sometimes doing the right thing goes against our instincts. Even when we are in the middle of multilevel disintegration, and we can see better or worse – better does not mean easy. Better choices can be hard, sad, painful, uncomfortable, and can work against every instinct we have. 

Values in adversity – the white car

I passed the little old lady in the white car, and I felt bad for her too. She had nearly wiped me out. But I know how hard it can be make good choices when you are focused on what is in front of you. 

When we are in traumatic or abusive situations, or in pain, sometimes our focus narrows. We can’t see beyond the pain in front of our faces. We can forget about the cars behind us, when there is chaos up ahead. 

This has certainly been my experience over the years. I’ve been in places that were so dark, that I was oblivious to how my choices were impacting others. I have tanked friendships because of it. Better choices are not only hard to make, but sometimes our pain and imminent crisis blinds us to their presence.

Values and relationships – the blue car

Finally I looked at my husband, and I understood the value of relationships. Not only had his timely reaction made a big difference to the cars behind me, but it had supported me in navigating the crisis. It was a team effort. It helped we had the previous experience in New Zealand, and had sorted out our values together. As cruel as it seems, and as painful as it is, we both know that we do not brake for ducklings where it is not safe to do so.

Road safety and a hierarchy of values

I can’t underestimate the support and advice of my truck driving friend. That conversation years ago helped me navigate some of the inner conflict I had about making the hard decision. It helped me confirm my hierarchy of values.

I do not like harming animals, but I am not willing to risk the lives of those travelling with me or around me. Put me in any other context, and I will love and adore animals. But on the highway, it is not always an option.

In life, this is why we need a hierarchy of values. It needs to be multilevel and multidimensional. Values will sometimes conflict. They will be messy. Applying them will be hard and complex. But the hierarchy (and giving our ‘what if situations’ some thought) helps.

The Australian Road Difference

After reflecting on this post, and getting some feedback from friends in the USA, I understand that you might not resonate with any of this. Depending on where you live, animal incidents on the roadway for may be an unfamiliar or non-existent thing.

But in Australia, more than half of Aussie drivers (54%) have been involved in an animal collision, and it’s something which increases in frequency each year, according to one major insurance company. So you may think that my take on this is cruel, or be struggling to wrap your head around it. However, it is very much a part of my reality, and I simply follow the safety advice applicable to where I live.

When it comes to values, we have to consider that other people may be living in different circumstances than we are. Their reality may not be our reality. So when it comes to other people applying their values, there may be things going on for them that are outside of our awareness. Conversely, there may be things we say and do which others just won’t understand or agree with.

Navigating values on the slippery freeway of life

All this just highlighted to me how complicated values are. How hard we need to fight socialisation, instinct, and even our own trauma, in order to be authentic and live to them accordingly. It’s painful and messy, and we won’t always get it right.

More than that, there are times when our fellow travellers on the highway of life are going to make decisions and take actions we do not agree with. We are going to make decisions they don’t agree with. Values can have different interpretations, and different ways people execute them in daily life. And bet your ass, there are times when this difference will cause us to messily – and painfully – collide with one another.

Licence to drive authentically

There is no one right way to drive down the freeway of humanity. And sometimes, in doing what we see is right, there is no way to avoid causing harm. Sometimes we need to make the hard choice not to brake, even though it really hurts. You may find yourself at times raising your own glass in memory of fallen ducks, or getting into fender-benders with others.

But what’s the alternative? Be stuck on the Masking Train forever? Only go to places the social railway takes you? Be perpetually confined in a daily commute?

To live authentically, and be the drivers of our own fate, there are the risks we take and consequences we need to be prepared for. Yet, that freedom to drive our lives authentically – and enjoy all the possibilities of where the road can take us – is something that cannot be ignored.