What are your goals for your life? Do you have Soul Goals?
I was talking to a friend the other day, catching up on recent events, and the moves he had made since we last spoke. We chatted about him moving house, going on dates, and what he wanted in the next stages of his career. As he spoke, a realisation started to dawn on me. When he was going through his goals for his life, it struck me they were all focused around THINGS.
It’s not uncommon. These are things most people consciously want in life – house, career, travel, study. Some people talk about losing weight, or eating healthier. All of these life yardsticks have one thing in common – they are about stuff we want to attain.
Humans have a tendency to think of life in terms of ‘having’. Possessing things, possessing knowledge or attaining physical health. I’m not saying you shouldn’t have physical goals. But if they are top priority, or the only priority, then I think it’s a real fast track to asynchronous development.
What’s conspicuously missing are goals around who people want to be. I call them Soul Goals.
When you ask people about what they want in life, no one ever talks about things like being more generous, living with love, developing their empathy, or being able to speak their truth. Not one person has ever said to me that their personal goal is to be more authentic. More brave. More forgiving.
It’s something I find a little bit sad in a way. I’d love for once for someone to tell me their new year’s resolution is to act with compassion. That next quarter, they’d like to be more vulnerable. That their five year plan includes developing their authenticity. That their short term goals include seeking out their spiritual self and helping others. That their ultimate life goal is to live with love.
Does it sound too vague and airy-fairy to you? It shouldn’t.
When you think about physical goals, a lot of the time we don’t have a lot of control in the matter. You might have career aspirations, but what if you get made redundant? What if you get a job opportunity you didn’t expect? What if you fail that course you wanted to study? What if the housing market crashes, and you can’t get that dream home? What if you injure yourself, and can’t get those ripped abs you wanted? What if someone in your family becomes gravely ill, and you have to put aside that start-up business you planned on launching? What if your relationship falls apart and the dream wedding never happens? What if a pandemic hits and you can’t take that trip overseas you were so looking forward to?
The truth is, you can’t really control a lot in life, and yet so many people make their goals based in the physical world outside themselves. But goals of the soul? Those are completely within your grasp.
No matter what life throws at you, you can choose to act compassionately. You can decide that while there may be a risk in being vulnerable and sharing your authentic self, you’ll take that risk. You can decide to forgive. You can decide on your values, and you can chose to live according to those values.
Maybe people are thinking these things, but they’re just not sharing them? Is it due to social stigma? Because there is some belief that these goals are something we should keep inside? Possibly it is something that we all think about at some point, but no one ever shares. But I’m not so sure it is the only root cause of the problem. Why? Because based on my own experience, there was a time where I didn’t have Soul Goals at all.
There was a time where things like ‘happiness’ seemed outside of my reach. A time when I wasn’t thinking about my authenticity. A period of my life where I was struggling with both my finances and my circumstances, and I couldn’t see anything beyond trying to alleviate these physical stresses. Ashamedly, there was a time when I believed the dog-eat-dog dogma, and saw my leanings towards helping others as a softness that hindered me, and not a strength. I thought I needed to be tougher. Harder. Less concerned about the plight of others, and more focussed on ‘getting ahead’ in the world. I thought I lacked ambition and drive.
Truth be told, if it wasn’t for discovering Dabrowski, I’d still be looking at my lack of ambition as a sign that I wasn’t tough enough to make it. Now, I look at things differently.
A focus on finding my authentic self, and understanding the theory of positive disintegration, helped me forgive myself and accept myself for the path I’ve trodden. But it also helped me really think about who I was, and “who I ought to be”. It was a wonderful discovery, not only because it set me on the right path – a path that makes me truly happy (something I never thought I’d find in life) – but because it helped me realise something about myself…
That I always had the seeds of personality development inside me the whole time.
See, I’d been continually swimming against the tide of my authenticity without realising it. Thinking I needed to be self-driven and ambitious, when really it wasn’t ever all that important to me. My lack of drive to attain the goals that society expected of me (that I thought I was supposed to chase) was a sign that I never had true passion for any of it. I had been socialised, against my instincts, to accept the dog-eat-dog approach as normal, even though it made me deeply uncomfortable on unconscious levels I didn’t even understand.
Perhaps that is why people don’t share their Soul Goals? Because, despite the fact that the seed of their true self rests inside them, they haven’t yet discovered it exists.
Without licence from society to act on the whisperings of our hearts, and with a heavy burden of socialisation, we can be blind to the fact that goals of the soul are something we want. Something we desperately need. The true key to our happiness. Furthermore, we can be blinded by the world to this truth – that the reason we don’t fit, and we have discomfort with the mindless pursuit of physical attainment, is that we’re not supposed to be relentlessly chasing worldly things. We’re not meant to focus on controlling the world, and should instead be focused on being that person we know (deep in our hearts) we ought to be.
This seems to be the two-fold answer. The heavy social stigma to conform into a materialistic mindset, doesn’t just prevent us from speaking about our Soul Goals, but it makes us blind to the fact we even have them in the first place. How can we speak about something we’ve never given any thought to before?
The answer? We should just start doing it. One reflection at a time. One share at a time. Each Soul Goal that someone manifests, and each time someone shares that goal, may seem like a drop in the ocean. But enough drops eventually becomes a tide that can sweep us all away.
I’ll start. I’m not afraid to share (anymore). Here are my twelve values from my own journal, which in essence are my Soul Goals for my life. I hope they give you a bit of inspiration. Don’t think I don’t have physical and material goals – because I do. They’re just not my primary focus. Below are the twelve things I’m trying to do to change into who I believe I ought to be:
- Live with my heart – Listen to my heart, love myself, and be a living example of compassion wherever I can
- Speak my truth – While I’m not sharing everything, what I do share should be from a place of truth and authenticity
- Do what is right – Even when it is not easy, or what ‘everyone else is doing’, do the right thing
- Honour my blessings – Show appreciation and gratitude. Give thanks out loud, especially to those who support me
- Acknowledge the path – Know that my path will be hard at times, and unpredictable, but also worthwhile
- Give without expectation – Embrace generosity, and do it freely, without wanting something in return
- Put gifts to good use – It is good to do things for self, but better if those things can also serve others
- Kindness in adversity – Regret of acting rashly or harshly in anger, outweighs any hurt. Keep calm
- Welcome patience – Remember that stillness is not an illness. Rest. Breathe. Don’t panic when things aren’t moving
- Let go – Let go of pain, and say goodbye positively. Having things ripped from you hurts worse than grief
- Walk in faith – Have faith in self, and remember that it is OK to be afraid, but keep walking the path all the same
- Simply Be – Know that I am enough, and remember to be my authentic self, because my real self is worthy
All these things are possible. Within my control. Bring me joy, and bring me (in little steps) closer to my authentic self, and who I “ought to be”. I don’t always get it right, and I mess up, but it’s something to shoot for.
I know this sounds a little John Lennon-ish, but just imagine – imagine a world where people prioritised love as the key source of happiness, and not material possession. Imagine if empathy for every being we share this planet with, started to outweigh the need to destroy everything for a profit. And just imagine how much nicer it would be living in a world where we all felt safe to be emotionally vulnerable and live with our hearts.
Pie in the sky. I know. But think about what would happen in your world if you allowed yourself to imagine… who you ought to be.