I really hate Christmas time. When I was a kid, I felt completely different about it, but these days…

Christmas has this terrible way of not only setting off my overexcitable sensitivities, and piling on a load of labour-related stress, but forcing me to behave in a way which just isn’t authentic. 

Why people hate it

This time of year is stressful for everyone. Financially, it’s a trap of overspending. Socially, it’s a trap of overcommitment. Then there’s cooking, cleaning, wrapping, travelling arrangements, and all the additional emotional and physical labour that is required just to make one day happen.

We are all also aware of the stress which family relationships can bring to the Christmas dinner table. There are some for whom the festive season is a reminder of loss, trauma, and tragedy. And sadly, there are those people who are reminded at this time of year that they are utterly, depressingly, alone.

For those of us with overexcitabilities, neurodivergent minds, or sensitivities, there’s an extra level of complication. With the flashing lights, noisy toys, crowds, and the god-awful tactile experience of tinsel and fake Christmas trees –  it’s a sensory nightmare. It’s a nightmare, even without Mariah Carey everywhere singing that fucking awful song over and over and over again.

Social gatherings are also a bit of a minefield for me, because I am one of those people who gets my recharge on by being on my own. Yes, you read right – I’m an introvert. As much as I like spending time with people who I adore, spending time in large groups is very draining. I like it even less when it’s people I don’t know.

The misalignment season

But the thing I guess that bothers me the most is there are a lot of things about Christmas which we do (in the name of tradition) which make me deeply uncomfortable, because they don’t align with my values and my authentic self.

For some, the sound of Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas is You” portends a dark time where we feel the need to force something that just isn’t within us.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/12/12/why-brian-broome-hates-christmas/

Ah, yes that’s it. That’s what really bothers me the most. Masking. Forcing myself to love it, when it doesn’t align with who I am, and my values. How does this season align with my soul goals?

The commercialism bothers me. But how can I stop giving gifts, if my family refuses to? For years I have respectfully requested that we stop swapping gifts, but not all of the family are onboard with that. So if they’re not on board then the pressure remains to stay in the gifting cycle. It’s really heartbreaking to watch movies every year about the ‘Spirit of Christmas’ and have that juxtaposed with the culture of Santa – kids tearing off wrapping paper in a materialistic frenzy.

In fact I have a lot of issues with Santa, including but not limited to the naughty/nice paradigm. It creates a lot of unfair heartache for poorer kids (who wonder why they weren’t good enough), or kids who have to watch their bullies be rewarded for clearly naughty behaviour. Santa may be magical, but he’s a bad example when it comes to fairness, and being good because it’s who you should be (and not just because some elf on a shelf is watching you, or that you might get a material payoff for compliant behaviour).

Normal diet goes out the window in favour of excess, rich foods, and constipation. Too much alcohol is consumed. All I can think about in those times are people living on the streets going without, and I get really guilty about it. I also feel incredible guilt about participating in the drinking culture, and wonder why I can’t give it up altogether.

Women are stuck in kitchens, with their gender roles. Exhausted, stressed, and left with everyone’s mess to clean up when it is all over. What does my participating in Christmas say about my feminism? I feel like a hypocrite.

Being heathen at Christmas is super weird – not only do I celebrate the midsummer solstice totally alone, but it brings up a lot of strong feelings about the religious side of Christmas.

I feel bad for Christians who feel like the true meaning has been lost in a candy cane whirlwind. I feel bad for pagans, because Christmas isn’t exactly a time for us either, and the “Christmas is a pagan rip off!” arguments are unhelpful for everyone. And lets not forget Jewish people celebrating Hanukkah, and how a holiday devoted to the birth of Jesus must make them feel. Or the people putting up lights for Diwali, who get comments from well-meaning neighbours about putting up “Christmas lights”. Or the people having to respond to the question of “What’s Kwanzaa?”. Worse – every attempt to make the festive season secular and / or inclusive is met with backlash.

Everything Christmas says it stands for, it doesn’t. At least not to me. It is not a time of acknowledging or caring for the vulnerable. Religious meaning is scorned. We don’t always see the best in humanity. It is not inclusive, or a time of where all of us focus on love and selflessness.

And so, this year, I had my requisite pre-Christmas meltdown. Too much to do, and take in. And way too much inner conflict.

How the Grinch changed my perspective

But then – something unexpected happened. I found solace in the Grinch.

I watched How the Grinch Stole Christmas – not the modern cartoon, or the Jim Carey version. I’m talking the old school cartoon. What I found in the Grinch was not some cold-hearted thief, but someone I could really relate to. I saw a neurodivergent person struggling with a season, which aggravated his senses and sensibilities. It even prompted me to go and read the original poem. You can find it here: https://www.best-poems.net/poem/how-grinch-stole-christmas-by-dr-seuss.html

The Grinch isn’t a people person. He has a dog, who he loves, but he’s really an introvert. 

He has a big problem with the sensory overload he experiences at Christmas. I love the little bit saying maybe he hated the season because his ‘head was not right’, or perhaps that ‘his shoes were too tight’. My neurodivergent dude, with tactile sensitivity – I totally see you! My head is not quite “right” either, and I find a lot of clothing to be a continual source of aggravation.

But mostly he hated the noise, noise, noise! All those Whos playing with their various noisy toys! I totally get that too. I hate loud noise. He also shows a food aversion, because he really hates rare roasted beast, and I also hate rare red meat with a passion. Not the taste, but the way it feels in my mouth.

The Grinch also struggles with the fact the Whos from Whoville get in a big crowd and get close together (holding hands) and sing. If you’re a person who hates touching and hugging others, or hates crowds, this will speak to you.

He’s creative – whipping up a Santa outfit, and a reindeer costume for his dog, Max. He’s also quite clever. When confronted by Cindy-Lou, he quickly makes up a plausible lie on the spot. But he was nice to her – patted her head and sent her to bed with a cup.

But the thing that really stood out to me was the way he reacted when he discovered he hadn’t stopped Christmas at all, and the Whos in Whoville were singing.

Firstly he stopped and reflected. For three hours he stood and challenged his assumptions about Christmas. Was it as material as he had first assumed? Finally, he came to a realisation that perhaps there was more to the season than he had previously considered. It didn’t just come from a store – it was about the people. About relationships.

In that moment, his heart expanded three sizes, and in an overexcitable rush of emotion, he returned everything to Whoville. He had found in meaning in it, and it was this meaning that allowed him to finally participate in Christmas with gusto.

My festive authenticity

The Grinch has given me a lot to think about. He made me have my own time of reflection.

I have to remember what it is that I do love about Christmas. The happiness of my loved ones and spending time with them. Just like the theory of positive disintegration (and The Grinch) has taught me, it’s all about relationships.

So here’s my challenge. If I want my Christmas to align with my values, I have to think about ways to make it more authentic for me. My action plan for a more authentic Christmas is below:

• Remember I am not alone. I’m not the only one who struggles at Christmas for whatever reason. Many thanks to everyone in the AWO group for helping me understand this.
• I’m going to continue to try and find ways to block out the sensory issues, and remember it’s OK to want to do that. Tinsel has been banished from my house. So has Mariah Carey. I can try and avoid the noisy, crowded, shopping centres as much as possible, and get my shopping done online, or in smaller stores off the main strip.
• I will continue to advocate for the things I believe in, in a compassionate way. As I write this, I’ve just convinced two more relatives to ditch the gift giving!
• Go back to my soul goals and see where I can find alignment.
• I’m going to make my solstice celebration just a little more special and extra this year, and bring back my own spiritual meaning to the season in a more powerful way.
• I’ll continue to speak about the festive season in an inclusive way, which doesn’t leave out people of other cultures or religions. I can lead by example when it comes to inclusivity.
• I will focus on helping – helping my family with things. Furthermore, I’m going to encourage everyone to pitch in and help. 
• I’m also going to make a donation to a charity.
• I’m scheduling some time in my diary just for me. Just to relax and be alone. I’m going to invest in some self-care. Love my inner introvert.
• I’ll remind myself of why I am in this – relationships. I’m going to maintain my focus on that.
• Finally, I’m going to remember to allow others to celebrate the season the way they want, and which is true to them. I’m not going to go out of my way to impose my ideals on them, if what they are doing brings them joy. After all, conformity is not my thing. I don’t think it’s The Grinch’s thing either, and good on him.

I started this month with a load of anxiety, but thanks to the Grinch, now my heart doesn’t “feel quite so tight”. So, in the best possible way, I wish you a very Grinchy festive season, whatever your personal flavour.